Building Connection Before Correction in the Early Years
Building Connection Before Correction in the Early Years
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If you’ve ever had a child in your classroom who pushes every limit, cries at drop-off, or shuts down when things get hard, you’ve probably wondered, “What else can I do?”
Most teachers have been there. You try sticker charts, deep breaths, logical consequences, and still, nothing seems to stick. That’s when it helps to step back and remember something simple: before children can listen, follow directions, or learn, they have to feel connected.
Why Connection Comes First
Why Connection Comes First
Why Connection Comes First
Why Connection Comes First
Young children live in a world of feelings. They don’t yet have the words or self-control to say, “I’m embarrassed,” or “I feel left out.” Instead, they might throw a toy, grab a friend’s crayon, or hide under a table.
These behaviours aren’t just “acting out.” They’re communication. A child who feels seen, heard, and understood is a child who feels safe, and safe children learn better.
That’s what relationship-based teaching is all about. It’s not a program or a new behaviour chart. It’s a way of being with children that helps them know: You matter to me, even when you’re upset.
A Simple Shift in How We Respond
A Simple Shift in How We Respond
When a child throws sand on the floor, most adults react with “We do not do that. Clean it up.” Instead try saying :
“You wanted to throw the sand, but the sand is not for throwing. You can scoop it or pour it instead.”
This keeps your tone kind but firm. It shows you understand the child’s curiosity, sets a clear limit, and gives choices. Over time, this helps children learn self-control and trust that you will guide them with patience rather than punishment.
Child-Teacher Relationship Training (CTRT) reminds us that play is a child’s language, and connection is the foundation of learning. When children feel understood, their need to act out lessens.
As teachers, you don’t have to “fix” every feeling. Your calm presence, reflective words, and gentle tone teach children that emotions can be safe. You become their thermostat — helping regulate the classroom climate, rather than reacting to it
Encourage Effort, Not Perfection
Encourage Effort, Not Perfection
Children need encouragement like a plant needs water. When you focus on their efforts instead of their results, you build inner motivation. Instead of saying, “Good job!”, try, “You worked really hard on that tower. You kept trying until it stayed up.” This helps children see their own progress and believe in their abilities
Let Them Try
Let Them Try
There’s a phrase in CTRT that many teachers find freeing: “Never do for a child what they can do for themselves.” It’s not about stepping back, it’s about stepping beside. When you give a child the chance to try, even if it’s messy or slow, you show them that you trust their competence. That trust becomes confidence
Building strong relationships in early childhood is not about being perfect. It’s about being present. Each time you choose connection over control, you help a child see themselves as capable, valued, and loved and that can change everything.
References
Bratton, S. C., & Landreth, G. L. (2020). Child-Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT): A 10-session filial therapy model (2nd ed.). Routledge.
Landreth, G. L. (2012). Play therapy: The art of the relationship (3rd ed.). Routledge.
Hicks, B. (2017–2024). Play Therapy Parenting® program. The Hicks Group, LLC.
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