What Does “Good Job” Even Mean?
What Does “Good Job” Even Mean?
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We say it all the time without even thinking.
A child stacks blocks, shares a toy, or shows us a drawing, and the words just slip out “Good job!”
It sounds positive. It feels encouraging. But if we stop and think about it, what does “good job” really mean?
The Problem With “Good Job”
The Problem With “Good Job”
When we say “good job,” what we’re really saying is “I like what you did.” The focus is on our approval, not the child’s experience. It doesn’t tell them what they did well or why it mattered.
For toddlers and preschoolers, who are just learning about themselves and their abilities, “good job” can actually take away from the moment. Instead of thinking, “I did it,” they start to think, “My teacher liked it.”
Over time, that small shift teaches children to rely on adult approval instead of their own sense of pride and effort.
Say What You See
Say What You See
Children learn best when we describe what we notice. It helps them connect their actions to outcomes and builds self-awareness.
Try these small changes:
Instead of “Good job,” say, “You worked so hard to build that tower.”
Instead of “I love your painting,” say, “You used so many bright colours.”
Instead of “That’s nice,” say, “You helped your friend find her shoes. That was kind.”
These words tell the child exactly what they did and why it mattered. They turn praise into learning.
Why It Matters
Why It Matters
When we replace “good job” with real, specific feedback, we teach children that effort counts more than perfection. We help them build pride that comes from doing, not from pleasing. The next time you catch yourself about to say “good job,” pause for a second. Look at what the child actually did, and name it.
You’ll still be encouraging, but now your words will teach too.
References
References
Bratton, S. C., & Landreth, G. L. (2020). Child-Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT): A 10-session filial therapy model (2nd ed.). Routledge.
Hicks, B. (2017–2024). Play Therapy Parenting® program. The Hicks Group, LLC.
Landreth, G. L. (2012). Play therapy: The art of the relationship (3rd ed.). Routledge.
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