Growing Strong Children

Most of us don’t grow up thinking about how our childhood shaped the way we react, feel, and cope as adults. We just live our lives and do our best. But when you learn about ACEs, or Adverse Childhood Experiences, things start to make sense in a whole new way.

ACEs are stressful or painful things that might happen when someone is young. It could be family conflict, a lot of yelling, a parent leaving, addiction in the home, or simply growing up without enough emotional support. These moments don’t make a child weak. They simply show that their body and brain are still learning what the world feels like.

Many people have at least one ACE, and some have several. And it doesn’t always show on the outside. A child who melts down quickly, shuts down, avoids eye contact, or struggles to focus might not be “acting out.” Their nervous system might be in survival mode.

Understanding this changes how we support children. Instead of asking, “Why are they behaving like this?” we can ask, “What does this child need to feel safe?” That small shift builds connection and supports resilience.

Practical Ways to Build Resilience in Children

1. Create a “calm corner”
A small space with pillows, books, and a soft toy helps children reset when emotions run high.

2. Use short, simple phrases
Instead of long explanations, try phrases like “Let’s take a pause” or “I’m here with you.”

3. Give two real choices
For example: “Do you want the red cup or the blue cup?” Choice builds confidence without overstimulating.

4. Narrate what you see
Say things like “Your hands are tight” or “Your voice got louder.” This helps children understand their body signals.

5. Slow your movements on purpose
Move a little slower when a child is overwhelmed. Your pace becomes their regulation tool.

6. Build small routines within routines
A tiny predictable moment, like a goodbye wave at the door or a “sniff the flower, blow the candle” breathing cue, helps children feel secure.

7. Practise “do overs”
If something goes wrong, model: “Let’s try that again together.” This teaches persistence without shame.

8. Teach one simple coping skill
Such as squeezing a stress ball, taking three belly breaths, or getting a drink of water. Keep it consistent so the child knows what to reach for.

9. Use a feelings chart daily
Not just during upset. Normalising feelings builds emotional vocabulary over time.

10. Celebrate effort, not outcome
Say “You kept trying even when it was tricky” instead of “Good job.” Effort praise builds inner strength.

11. Keep transitions gentle
Give a 2 minute warning before switching activities. Sudden changes can trigger stress.

12. Stay close without taking over
Sit near the child during a tough moment and say, “I’m right here when you’re ready.” Your presence is the safety.

13. Connect before you correct
A warm touch, eye contact, or gentle tone helps the child’s brain open to guidance.

14. Repair when needed
If you lose patience, say, “I’m sorry I spoke sharply. Let’s try again.” Repair conversations teach children how to do the same.

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